So it seems I have returned, as I often do, without word or warning and most importantly, pictures. Cambodia was a shocking and horrifying amount of fun (or a fun amount of shock and horror, I'm so unsure these days, who can tell really) but after what, a backlog of 5 gigs of pictures this so isn't happening. School's started but I'm not there - my mom spent a very happy birthday rushing her stricken (feverish, shivering and generally miserable) daughter to the hospital. I've got five days off school, and while yes I was dreading returning to school I didn't think I wanted to avoid it this badly.

My mom asked me to look miserable and take pictures to commemorate the occasion - I don't think she's taking the epidemic ( seriously enough )

Yeah, behind me's Jeremy (The Boy, for all intents and purposes as it has been for the past three months, but who knows for the next three months, and the months following?), who is running off to America promptly, so yeah that's going to be a fun ride ugh.

Okay but let's not talk about that for a bit, or how running off to a different country with someone really intensifies things huh, and oh doom doom which wasn't the point of this entry at all! So I've got a billion pictures but I'm chronically lazy, so in spite of my desire to chronicle my adventures in excruciating detail and sub-par photography, especially because I'm having the time of my life, I'm afraid having the time of your life eats into your chronicling time, so this is going to have to do-



( WHAT I DID OVER SUMMER: A SUMMERY SUMMARY )

Right-o, now I'm off to return to being sickly and unproductive. Sweet!

Okay, really you know what the worst idea in the world is? To start packing at midnight when your flight's at six in the morning. Oh god, take my word for it, not fun and mostly terrifying. So I'm to Cambodia for a bit, mainly to see the Angkor Wat before it falls to pieces, on a bit of a whim really. And while yes, taking a passing fancy and running with it seemed like a good idea at the time (you only feel young and therefore invincible once, and only so often do you have money especially then), perhaps running off with a boy not even two months into a relationship to an exotic foreign locale may be a mite too ridiculous for even me.

Ha ha ha, oh god how terrifying, what is it I'm doing (packing too late, for one, and finding myself much further in much faster than I had anticipated), and it's entirely my doing, but at the very least I can't say it's not keeping things exciting, eh?

(Although, next time a bit less terror would be nice and probably better advised. But oh god, I really can't remember the last time I had this exhilarating a mix of terror and excitement!)

I think for me livejournalling is a bit like upping personal vegetable intake or exercise or trying to change the world - great and noble plans that never happen because I am but a weak, weak person, distracted by shiny things and general laziness, and occasionally things of excitement and import, but mostly laziness. I had wanted to post about several things before I ran off to Taiwan, mainly related to my birthday and internships and bizarre relationship developments that I could neither fathom nor acknowledge, but instead here I am, a couple of months on distinctly not posting pictures or updating adequately, certifiably older, back from Taiwan and almost done with internships, and everything I meant to register various sentiments for have waged past me rather huffily.

So I find myself here, on my last week of internship (seven weeks are seven weeks too many), counting down to the end as assiduously as I trawl facebook. I also find myself having gone beyond accidentally acquiring a bit of a boyfriend - I seem to be almost a month into a (dare I say it?) relationship, oho!, which is rather disconcerting really but often hilarious, though that's nothing in comparison to the long-distance hilarity that may sneak up on me when I'm distracted by muffins (a situation that one often finds oneself in and impossible to get out of, in reference to baked wonderment).

I suppose I ought to say something about the boy, given the rich comic history that predates my late adolescence, and/or that the boy was sort of technically my first half of a boyfriend, or perhaps that now we're seeing a bit of a renaissance as it were, or that really this is what this entry's really about, being a month into something that was a bit of an open joke really (that I was a little more serious about in my occasional private moments when I was a little less caked in denial and appalled at the mere suggestion of any semblance of association). But honestly speaking I don't know what's going on there either, but I do know that the boy is crazy over me and I could make him happy and I find myself wanting to, and I do believe that counts for something (despite what my friends may tell you, no, my affections were not bought solely with a bass guitar!), and much besides I'm honestly too busy having an absolute riot to give this further thought. So here let me put off things a bit longer, and make plans to run off to Cambodia for a spell, and before you know it I could be back with pictures (what, it could happen!).

Today the weather was beautifully dreary, which was rather refreshing given how of late, especially, Singapore has subjected us all to intolerable heat even for people largely accustomed to living inches away from the Equator. It was so lovely in its cool post-rainyness that I decided to walk home a couple of MRT stations(ish, at least), which started off pleasant enough and then degenerated into the humid cesspool of annoyance and discomfort that we're normally treated to. Coupled with how the distance was actually significantly greater than what I had previously anticipated, my enchantment with the loveliness of today (and its accompanying Oh it's great to be alive-type sentiment) evaporated quickly, and right now I'm back to feeling tired and disgruntled hoo yay.

So summer's begun, and honestly I'm not all that enthused. I mean yeah, hell it's better than school term, but I don't know who I'm kidding with my remaining university years to look forward to. That aside I've got internships to get through, some travel plans and about a million things to get done, but honestly I'm just not feeling it. Oh god I'm going to be old (in a week or so I'll be majoritarily-aged) and I'm going to have to be responsible, holy hell. Right about now I'm just trying my best to be occasionally productive, I'm in a spot of age and situation-related existentialism, just a bit (and a bit more than that on other days), but actually who am I kidding, it's only because I've not gotten L4D on my iMac yet, which I think is a very valid cause of existential angst - what's the point in life if you're not killing zombies at every waking moment, really? (That isn't true of course, there are other things to do, but they should be moderated with a regular injection of undead-deadening, which I have not been getting, oh no.)

And with that I shall trundle off to try to do something about my room or to cut one of yesteryear's silly projects, both of which I've been putting off for ever.

I'm up early in the morning avoiding corporate law as it were - Mavis and Vincent are over, we had an impromptu sort of study party sleepover, which is exactly as wild as as it sounds. Seriously though for something centred around something as dull as law, it was quite the night, laughs were had by all, and there are some things that we'll deny fiercely and pretend never transpired (in horrible, horrible mental places we'll never admit that we've been). The downside is I got next to nothing done, laughing too hard imagining bad bad things you know the usual, plus they're occupying all the sleeping space in my room so alas, I must remain awake and at some point maybe venture a mite of productivity?

You know actually I'm having a ball, in spite of exams and everything, but that could well be because I care not for thee, academic bullshit, having not applied myself at all and being content to just get by enough to graduate. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about it, like I'm wasting an education or something like, but that thought lasts about as long as my attention span when confronted with let's say, mm, winding up? Honestly I'm just waiting for summer, because then I'll be half-done with this, oh my god, two years more, which may not be that bad if I apply myself in a similar fashion, which would be to say, not at all. But I do wish I was actually learning things, haha, the way I was fairly excited about particular subjects in pre-law days, and honestly I feel like I've learnt nothing of note over the past two years.

For the past couple of weeks I've been on the brink of age of majority angst with a little bit of discontent over the logic of love worked in for good measure, but you know how that comes and goes. I've reached the stage where I've resolved enough for the moment, or am really more interested in what to eat next or when I can shoot zombies, sometime soon please on both counts that would really be awesome. On most days I wake up feeling like my life is a peaceful demonstration (as compared to a riot, for example), in that there's some latent purpose hanging lazily in the air, with a moderate contentment that keeps everything several shades short of revolutionary or exhilarating but is at least a sufficiently interesting escapade or a mildly fun day out.

Right. You know how I resolved to write more, and to be honest and what-not? I've been rather terrible at all of that thus far, and I was hoping to rectify that a bit.

Well lately I've been rather despondent about everything, and not talking about why because that's what I do. Even with my nearest and dearest I've not said a word, not really, god forbid someone catches on and I've not yet formulated an appropriate reaction or response for if they do. I mean it's not like a big deal or anything, I'm just on the lugubrious, melancholy side, and I'm just trying to figure things out a bit, but I can't help but feel like I'm hiding things from people anyway by saying nothing, and I think nothing good can come of that so here I am.

I don't much want to be existential, but I suppose that's the horrible indulgent place we all end up when we're feeling less than great. This may have something to do with any or all of the following:
1) the tragicomedy that is law school (and related workload that's being ignored)
2) the horrifying jolt of reality, brought on by internship talk and thought and general planning
3) what comes after item 1 and 2 (read: working life! and the future!), which is even scarier
4) I don't know what to make of love anymore (yes, I know, how maudlin, cry me a river etc)

and pretty much culminates in:
5)Shit I don't feel like doing anything at all but sleeping in.

I can't seem to bring myself to be productive at all, even the non-academic for-a-laugh type gigs, like stupid songs and stuff on lists that I've wanted to do forever - I have all these plans that I really want to carry out but now it seems like I haven't the heart for it, I haven't the heart for anything for that matter. I feel rather dispassionate about everything, which is worrying because I'm rarely like this - I'm generally perpetually excited by small silly things, and sometimes larger silly things, and at this point in time I want neither ridiculousness nor entertainment, because I'm just that morose.

Mainly what it is is that, yes I'm going to say it, I don't know about love anymore. This is a new low, obviously, and I've outdone myself in whiny indulgence. I just don't understand it at all, and, I say, mournfully and emphatically, I don't believe in love anymore. Which is probably not really true and is just me being dramatic, as I am wont to do, but after yesteryear's romantic misadventure and subsequent trainwreck, I wonder about the nature of love, and how far it's actually worth anything. Last year I loved a boy and would have given the world for him, and this year I feel like he never happened to me, nothing's change at all, that apart from this rather uncharacteristic pensiveness he barely left a mark. It's like when in conversation you recall something and bring it up, but can't for the life of you remember how exactly you came upon it and whether you came upon it at all, for which you include the disclaimer "but don't take my word for it, I might have dreamed that one". I wonder about how it came to this, how someone can go from meaning everything to you and then nothing within weeks, honestly whatever that is it can't have been love, or if it was goddamn, it's been grossly misrepresented. Alternatively I could have just somehow managed to block everything out, but honestly I hope not because that just isn't healthy.

In any case I need to fuck off and mull over things, which was really what I was trying to say before I got sidetracked by all that emotional drivel. Which I'm actually feeling pretty good about, because I like figuring out where I stand and gleaning a system, a principle or, with any luck, and Important Truth (ho ho) from it. I've always believed vehemently that love is enough, and now that I don't any more everything's askew. When I was five I saw an episode of the Nanny which introduced to me the concept of exes, and when I asked my parents what an ex was I was thoroughly appalled and distressed by their answer - I just couldn't wrap my head around how anyone could have an ex, it wasn't possible because love is forever. And I suppose somehow that had stuck (even today I'm averse to that term, and if you notice I never use it as far as possible, which is probably also due to a personal obsession with names and definitions), and I managed a couple of decades of being more certain of it than anything else, but now it feels like I've lost my religion, as silly and overwrought as that sounds.

When I started writing this I meant to give a bit of an update of work-related things like internships, plans and work that I'm avoiding, though there's really nothing new there, but I think my point was going to be that I'm shelving everything till I get this sorted out to a functional level at the very least, or until I get bored of all this thinking, which ever happens first (I'm inclined to think it'll be the latter). I suppose this lengthy, unrewarding (for the casual observer and loyal reader alike) entry is simply a manifestation of the urge to purge. Speaking of purging, and manifestations and yours truly:

I remember you the way I remember yesterday’s lunch in all its foggy utility: “I guess I had some sandwich, meat-based, and it kept me alive?”

Yes, I'm sorry guys, I am that pretentious. I trust I'll grow out of it, though, sometime soon one hopes, but in any case I shan't subject you to that again. Expect a triumphant, exuberant return at some point! It may not be timely, but when it does turn up it will be accompanied by nominally exciting adventures and the gazillion pictures I keep promising to put up.

Today I found myself at a salon with Mavis (which is far less remarkable than it sounds because we had made an appointment and everything, but hush let me continue), and suddenly everything has changed.

Okay no, not really, but ( BEHOLD! )

Anyway, thoughts? Should I do things with my hair, like tie it up in ribbons and perhaps wear an elaborate, ridiculous-looking and impractically slutty space ninja-type costume? Should I invest in hats, do a Demi Moore, or just pray generally that it fades just right so I can be taken seriously (hoho!)?

Ugh, speaking of serious things, I've got to seriously devote some more time into ignoring corporate law, oh ugh. Which I shall do (more or less) promptly (more less than more).

Edit: Well, my hair seems to have a life of its own - now it has decided on a markedly different colour and I can do naught but watch it go forth and fulfill its destiny. For the moment I seem to be almost certifiably a redhead (or as certified as a Chinese girl can get anyway).

( Please to ignore unglamorous piratey sleepwear and face. )

My, what an adventure! Will I wake up tomorrow a different person, with a different hair colour? Who can tell?

Edit: The next day it seems to be just as red, if not slightly redder (or perhaps I'm just in brighter lighting)? Okay yes, I know this is far from endlessly exciting, and it is a bit indulgent but I'm sorry!

Right, you know how I resolved to journal more but didn't? Um, here I am trying to rectify that. Points for effort, maybe?

One of these days I really mean to put up the hundred million pictures I have, and back up freaking everything that I have. Ooh, I've a question, if anyone can help me out with this I would be much obliged! See, I'm trying to back-up everything on my mac but for some reason my external hard-drive is read-only and I can't seem to do anything about it. Help please? I'm discouraged to the point that I'm on the verge of tears (or not, but it did give rise to a hissy fit thrown at my mother, which was neither pretty nor nice of me). I don't much know how to change the permission on my hard-drive :(.

But anyway, kay, real update time. Mid-term break starts tomorrow (hurrah!), but I've also got a whole lot of shit to get done right after (poo!) for perhaps two weeks following (also poo). So right now's the lull before the shit hits the fan, whereupon I'll be even less inclined to journal in any way. I think I really need to organise my life, and my room, and print out a number of those million pictures. I also need to start thinking of internships soon (waugh!), oh dear all this law shit really isn't pretty.

In spite of all that, I think I'm actually enjoying myself in school this term, even if my usage of the term is a bit of a stretch, the way a cup of tea with a grandparent could possibly be termed a party. So yes, I'm having a conservative amount of fun, with both my law school friends (it's a bit of a joke but honestly Mavis and Vincent are all I need, they're such a riot [ as riotous as one can get learning about shares and floating charges anyway]) and I'm doing a really conservative amount of work (I am physically unable to pay attention or take any notes in class, an anathema unheard of in law school) which I'll try to rectify a bit starting tomorrow. I swear! Meanwhile I'm going to run off to watch some BBC4 TV, and wait hopelessly for the next installment of How I Met Your Mother comes out, oh my heart! Incidentally I've fallen in love with Jason Segel, oh my god he is the man for me.

So you know, what with the Chinese New Year festivities there was a liberal amount of visiting and cookie-consumption, but this year I tried something different - instead of avoiding relative-shaped interaction, I (dare I say it?) socialised. And rather surprisingly, I enjoyed myself thoroughly, which is a first I reckon, considering the new year is normally a mercenary adventure in juggling good social grace with quickening the exchange of monies. I don't know, this year I brought along Francis, my one and only (my DSLR which I've neglected far too long, nothing exciting and scandalous if that's what you were thinking), and that does seem to make social situations a lot more bearable, with small talk centering rather easily on cameras and lenses and the option of bailing at any moment under the pretext of taking pictures (a comforting prospect, always).

What was substantially less comfortable was the attempt to converse in Mandarin (ha!). See I met up with a bevy of Chinese-speaking relatives, but of these the most interesting would be the Grand Uncle I was never aware of who happens to be some sort of Grand Master Martial Artist or something equivalent. From the limited conversation I was capable of I gathered that he was endlessly interesting, but given that he knows about as much English as I know Chinese I can't recount the content reliably but I do know I enjoyed that interpretive fandango immensely, though I would have enjoyed it more if I felt less like a cripple. But this time next year I'm going to be a whole lot less useless and a whole lot more Chinese-ly conversational, I do think. I suppose more Jay Chou and Chinese cinema is in order, which is a rather appropriate resolution-type thing for this point in time.

On a side note, when did David Duchovny get so irresistible? My god, I think that's the man for me. I've been avoiding work (that I'm supposed to be staying up to accomplish) for an entire season of Californication, and my god, guh! I don't know, I think I love him.

Oh life, how you excite and astound, and inflict upon me Company Law at five in the morning though it is entirely my fault! I would like to register a couple of things though - an unparalleled love for the Magnetic Fields, and and, the emergence of possibility (and its accompanied flailing about)!

That is all!

You know, first week of school notwithstanding (or perhaps precisely because of the first week of school), I'm fairly taken with the new year. None of my classes are physically painful to be in (nothing really compares to the sheer horror that was Property Law, twice a week no less, and like surviving the war that sure as hell makes you stronger), the majority of my classes are noon-time affairs so I get an adequate amount of sleep, and, most importantly, with Mavis and Vincent every hour of every day is a party, or at least as much of a party as say, Constitutional and Administrative Law can be.

It's really bizarre after almost two years of absolutely hating school to suddenly find myself not minding it. No actually that's a lie, it's not bizarre at all, it's very straightforward - for the better part of the last two years I've been (on the average) unhappy, and now that's all behind me I realise goddamn you know, I'm actually an upbeat person and I do actually really love where I am in life (not the doing law bit, but I guess it could be worse I could be doing, god forbid, economics) and especially the people in it, and honestly speaking I'm really pleased by how it's all turned out.

K then, enough new-year-related twirling. What I meant to livejournal about was this art exhibition that I did that just opened yesterday, and the tragicomedy that was the gala opening. See, my university has a well-intentioned attempt at an arts festival annually, so this year the film society (i.e. my lovely secretary Athena, and I), with the help of the artistically established Chua Chye Teck (thank god, seriously, if not we would have been flailing about dying horribly all the time with our inexperience and general lack of ability and direction) did this film noir piece. Essentially we made a space up to look like a film noir bar with a stage and a bar and a diva dressing table, and had wigs, hats and trenchcoats for people to come in and dress up, which may not quite be high art, but at least it's a sizeable amount of fun. Actually I don't think it's an art piece at all, it's just an amorphous fun thing as opposed to an exploration in the transience of identity, but hey what do I know, all I do is read comics and make silly noises at my kid brother, I'm so low brow.

Anyway, so at the gala opening we were supposed to give the VIPs (the university president, the Dean of Students, some admin people and I don't know some artsy networked sorts?) some sort of artist tour which involved some sort of presentation, which was a wholly horrifying prospect (and a subsequently wholly horrifying presentation) that I never really recovered from. After said presentation People of Apparent Import congregated in small groups around the exhibition being all networky, laughing unnaturally exchanging namecards. Athena and I pretty much just stood there and tried to blend in with the coat hangers, which wasn't at all difficult to do because everyone was pretty much absorbed in their social expansions to bother talking to the artists about their work (which I didn't mind at all), before everyone adjourned somewhere else to continue their mingling - over some performances, but mostly food and alcohol in plastic cups with delusions of grandeur (you know the sort I'm talking about - airline plastic with necks and large bases hoping to pull off looking like glasses). The most ridiculous thing about the whole affair was the aspirations towards classiness (with what I imagine is the important business or art crowd socialising) in front of art that is largely, well-intentioned at most, a laudable effort (considering inexperience, time and resource constraints) etc, which is amusing and appropriate all things considered.

Which isn't to say that I didn't enjoy doing the exhibition (though it was hectic and crazy, somewhat), or that the gala was a complete waste of time (it wasn't - I spent most of it avoiding the main event and instead trying on costumes and taking pictures with Athena), but I'll put up pictures soon and you'll get the idea. Anyway, if you're in Singapore and you happen to be at SMU between the hours of 11am to 8pm from now till the 24th of January (at least I think that's when it's on till), you might want to pop by the school of Economics gallery and check my exhibition out (but then again you might not, but that's cool too, I won't take offense XP).

And now's about the time to do resolving things, in relation to the new year. But first off I think I'm going to talk about last year, because I guess everything I've resolved is in relation to the latter, and this is probably the best time to get it all out while it still remains sort of current, or at least recallable.

I can't talk about 2008 without talking about Fong, and he was my life and everything I wanted to believe I wanted (though I did know otherwise, in a small dark corner of me that grew increasingly bigger that I tried so long to ignore), and I don't think I've ever wanted something so badly in my life. Even (or especially so) at the worst parts of the relationship I loved him, and I can't say I've ever loved anyone like that and I wouldn't care to, though it might do well to note that the latent sheen of general doom gives it an unfair advantage (perhaps I threw myself into it so heartily because the odds were against it ever ending well, and I needed to believe that in spite of everything, or because of it, that love was enough).

I still believe that, though, even if he didn't do right by me when it came to it, but then again I don't think I was in the best position to pass judgment on that sort of thing. I was selfish and scared and immature, and I acted in character and was all of those, and though I truly loved him with whatever was within my means, they weren't much given those restrictions. I'm glad I realised that with a relationship that wouldn't in a million years have worked out anyway, as opposed to one where I might have actually lost everything which I would have never forgiven myself for. So, much like that, 2008 was the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me - yes, I do feel at least three years older, yes, at so many parts it was terrible and I sincerely wanted to die, and yes, I learned all I need to know for now about love and how to be happy.

So what I want with the new year is kindness and honesty on my part. I made a dreadful show of loving last year, not just romantically but with pretty much everyone I hold dear, which I couldn't live down repeating (or wouldn't want to). I think that's really what I got wrong last year - in the end the love I professed was selfish and small, and I think that's the sort of thing you only need to figure out once. This year I'm going to make an effort in a less self-possessed direction, especially if it inconveniences me or puts me somewhere rather uncomfortable for a bit I'm going to do it. That's pretty much my main resolution, but obviously I have a string of tangential ones because we all know how much I love listing.

02. BI-WEEKLY EXERCISE
I know I resolved this last year but it fell through, but this year I'm trying to do this Sunday Family Afternoon O' Fun And Exercise, which I started last week and was limping till earlier today because of. Yes, I am ludicrously unfit, but I mean to change that! Also, I'm taking up tap-dancing, so that seems suitably vigorous for my purposes! (The other good thing about this resolution, besides the fun Irish twist, is that if I end up being pathetically unfit this resolution can be construed as requiring only exercise every other week, which is significantly easier! Ah-hah, a technicality! Who says I'm not learning anything from law school, besides how to be dead?)

03. HEALTHFUL CONSUMPTION
I must incline myself towards vegetables and fruit enthusiastically! Also, I want to start planning healthier-typed meals on a family unit level, for the benefit of all! If I can contribute to this in some way, like through Superior Salad-Making (a skill I have not yet acquired) that would be good too!

04. WEEKLY LITERARY ADVENTURES
Or, less exciting-sounding-ly, a book a week. Yes, I'm trying this again, and this time I must succeed, for truly truly I would like to be less frequently at a loss for words. I've been fairly out of it, this whole literate fandango, and it would be nice to be reading instead of doing most other things. On this note, write more, just so that two more years don't pass me by without any tangible record of it.

05. EJECT SELF OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING AND THRUST SELF INTO DAILY EXCITEMENT
Which is to say I must stop re-setting the alarm clock upon waking, and haul myself out of bed even if it breaks my heart. And on a related note, get more done on a daily basis because I am so hideously lazy and this MUST STOP. I've got to be more prompt and put more effort into things, hoh god I really have to get the room redecoration down if not I will have failed in life. (Also, perhaps a daily list of things to do, possibly scrawled on to various body parts, is the answer.)

06. FAMILIAL UNIT AND FRIENDS
I really have to put in more effort here, first off to be kinder and to be more honest, and second to keep up with them properly. The honesty thing does get to me sometimes - sometimes I feel very out-of-place and like I don't trust myself at all to speak to anyone. Much besides I think I've been letting certain relationships of mine languish just because I'm timid and lame and can't be bothered, and that's a bad state of affairs.

And this year I find myself exactly where I want to be (and in some ways, exactly where I've always wanted to be) and it feels grand. Honestly it's not been a fun year, in fact it's been pretty excruciating in so many parts - there's been so much near-death weeping (by which I mean when you cry so much it hurts and you don't see how it's physically possible to get through the next moment, and the ones following that that it feels like you're, well, going to die), I was an embarrassing self-absorbed mess for too significant a length of time, and most of all this year I've been incredibly immature and selfish, so god I'm glad the year's almost done. But by the same token it's also been a great year, you know, because after all that ridiculous horrible shit I get it now, I know what it is that I'm looking for in this lifely fandango, and whatever that is has always been right in front of me only I was too self-absorbed to notice. And honestly for the first time in ages I'm genuinely happy, without having it adulterated by general issues and insecurities.

( 2008 In Review )

Honestly though, I couldn't think of a better time for all this thought and uncertainty, and god forbid consideration. I'm pretty much the most impulsive, stubborn person in the world, so I think it's about damn time I thought things through a bit more. All I have is endless ungodly hours with naught but academic woe and myself for company, and while it's all a little demoralising (especially the deafening academic woe and doom) it affords a great deal of non-academic thought, which seems a bit of a treat in comparison with the eternal infernal accounting, or property law, for example.

So I think by the end of the month I'll be in a generally favourable position, one, having bade goodbye FOREVER to Property Law, and two, having arrived at important realisations of the innermost nature, or something similarly personal and incisive. And three, HOLIDAYS YES PLEASE!

Oh crap, I guess I should attend to Property Law now. Waugh.

I saw Avenue Q today, and it was immense. Which surprised me in the best of ways - I wasn't expecting much because I'm ashamed to say I was slightly put off by its phenomenal mainstream appeal (oh god, I'm one of those people), and because there's only so far I figured musical perversion can get you, but what was really impressive about Avenue Q was how everything it said was true (and generally funny, which always helps make things go down better). While yes, I was scandalised by the vision of puppets having sex, my god, it was somewhat hilarious and insightful, and in a strange way I'm now fine with the world because musicals have been written pretty much summing up the plight of all womankind, all that is wrong with the world, and how to make everything better (I especially liked how contrived it was that it all added up).

There's a Fine, Fine Line
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.

So what I've found myself doing (and avoiding) constantly over the past few days is mortgages. I kid you not. I never thought it would come to this.

Needless to say life has been a ball, which isn't entirely untrue, because Halloween came and went, and that was suitably exciting and pictorial! However that has passed, and all I'm left with is the day-to-day drudgery. Oh, something exciting though, apropos to the current Obama-rama, my favourite law prof taught while he was at school, and was apparently pretty close to Obama's homies. Which is fairly cool, but then again this is the prof who's met Tom Cruise, who's had three students of his go on to become the presidents of their respective countries, so it's probably not that big a deal in his book. Anyway, apparently young!Obama managed the Harvard Law Review swimmingly, had this quiet dignity about him and everyone respected him. Okay yeah so I was hoping for something a little more scandalous from an insider's take, but oh well, this will have to do.

As usual I'm way behind, in school and in updating, and especially in posting pictures (Bake My Day pictorials have been languishing sadly), but I hope to rectify that, in the manner that people generally hope for world peace. Soon there shall be Halloween pictorials, but first, a bit more day-to-day drudgery. So I've recently severed a boyfriendly appendage from my life, and everyone's been asking how I'm doing so this is how I'm doing: I'm alright and adjusting. It's strange and awful, cutting out the most significant part of your life, so right now I'm just trying to figure out what I should do next, and how to stay friends with Fong without having the undead monster of our romantic entanglements rearing its ugly head (it's not so much the romantic entanglements that were ugly, so much as his reaction to said entanglements and his inability to emote or deal with anything, or think about things, and how emotionally-sapping those disabilities were for me). Because he's hilarious and great (even if screwed up, with a penchant for being awful), and I want him around fairly regularly, because he's been my nearest and dearest for almost two years and I don't want that to stop? Well I'll keep you posted, at any rate I'm pretty good, even if adjusting.

Wow I've got mortgages to do (boo), so I shall leave you with something significantly less terrifying - ( a Halloween preview. )

Today I broke up with the only boy I've ever wanted; he was my world and now he's not.

I loved him more than anything else in the world, I would have done anything within my means for him (and I did), I wanted to build my life around him, he made me ludicrously happy so much so that I thought that it could go on indefinitely and that made me even happier. Well I was mistaken, clearly, but I don't mind. He was, to all intents and purposes, the One, and I don't think it will ever stop being that way which is why I am likely to die alone but I think that's okay too, why mess with the grand scheme of things?

I don't think I'm ready to talk about it, please don't ask. When I'm ready to talk about it, don't ask either, because I highly doubt that I would actively want to talk about it, so just err on the side of caution and make like this never happened.

I'm going off either to pass out (which sounds divine), cry until I pass out (less divine), write that paper I have due on Sunday (urk!) or bake (my one constant, my true love). In any case I'll be alright, don't worry about me. Right now I'm more hungry than anything else, and as long as I still want to eat things I think I'm doing okay.

Oh god, the bake sale was crazy and incredible, and now I am killed dead by my monthly internal-ish bleeding (you get my meaning) and the sleep deprivation - all of today I did absolutely nothing but sit and stare like I'm not physically capable of doing anything really. It's a strange sort of floaty not-quite-here daze, which I must shake off soon because I've got a ton of things to do. Even so, somehow my top priority seems to be showing you all something hilarious and new.



( God, I am so hardcore! )

Meanwhile, the PJ posse are doing a Halloween thing this weekend, and I am going as the Queen of Hearts so it all adds up! There should be a lot of pictures soon, of the bake sale, and the Halloween 'do, and there's a fair bit of work to be done, ugh, but I think I'm just going to go back to sitting and staring instead, because I am so very good at it and it feels appropriate now.

So Sam and I are baking things to sell for fun and hopefully, profit. See, back in late 2006, high on the sweet smell of post A-level freedom, half of my posse (meaning Sam and I, rather predictably) ended up working in a bakery, and from there we dreamed up a Baking Empire, which was meant to happen in our happy school-less haze. And in an astonishing display of sloth and procrastination, two years later it's finally coming to pass! We've planned, baked, and will bake some more before tomorrow, and we're selling them at a bazaar!



Bake My Day! at NUStyle Bazaar
Date: Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Time: 10am - 6pm
Venue: National University of Singapore, Central Library Forum

So if you happen to be at NUS (or better yet, if you make your way down especially) please pop by, purchase and consume our baked goods, and fill your hearts with gladness and our pockets with currency! We have muffins, cookies and brownies, infused with love, effort and more work than we could have imagined, and we swear by our produce's goodness so much so that we'll have samples of significant standard, especially for free food, and even (we hope) for food that you actually have to pay for. And we also have really cute decorations! Please come down, say hi, and let me give you great baked goods at reasonable prices!

I would have put up pictures of our baking adventures, but I've been a bit busy with the actual baking, though perhaps later tonight I shall put up pictures before passing out promptly. But oh, please come!

So it has been a while, and school has begun proper, which is distinctly un-fun apart from Hot Monday (which is the main reason I'm livejournalling at all). What is Hot Monday?, you may ask, and I would then tell you, oh, it's only the BEST THING EVER.

Hot Monday happens on the first day of the week, and it is so titled because it's just an EXPLOSION of desirable professors. And this is a big deal, because before this term, never had I encountered a halfway-almost-attractive teacher in my year at university (I was sure they existed, but I never had the personal pleasure of their instruction) and all of a sudden - ZOMG TWO HOT TEACHERS OVER 24 HOURS???!!! Oh yes please!

So let me tell you about the Men of Hot Mondays, and what they talk about (which I listen to with reasonably rapt attention, which is a big deal by my standards because I've got the attention span of a turnip) and how lovelily they talk.

Hot Man Number One is Hot Korean Dude who teaches Financial Accounting, and thank god too because otherwise I would be rubbish at it and not give a shit that I'm rubbish. But he is so lovely! You know how in Korean dramas they always have the girl torn between Incredibly Hot Rich Guy and Cute Geeky Seductively Intelligent Teacher? He's that sort of teacher. I swear one day he'll come in a sweater with his collar out and I will die. Plus, he talks in a cute Korean accent, you know, all sincere and incredibly intelligible, with endearing slip-ups (in our course outline, to inspire us he writes "So, go for it and conquer it. The final fruit will be very sweet when you achieve it with all your hard works."), and he says incredibly sweet things ("I hope you love your groupmates!") and he makes sound-effects when drawing things! And he always ends like an hour early, can it possibly get better than this? (Answer: yes, if he wasn't married. :()

So that's worth waking up for an 8.30 accounting class on a Monday morning for. After that I have a break until 3.30pm, at which point Hot Man Number Two waltzes into my (rather listless, after the insane dullness of both subjects and the general drudgery of school) life and whisks off with my heart and dignity.

Hot Man Number Two is Very English, and I've always had this incredible weakness for British men and their accents, especially very cute and funny ones. It's a law class, so 'nuff said (or rather "WAURGH CRAP EUGH LAW"), and it's a pretty dull subject (some kind of partnership+company law monster) so if not for gleaming academic hotness I would be dead (though sometimes I do feel like I am killed dead anyway). There are moments where I find myself all swoony and gleeful, and for a split-second, or a series of split seconds, I just find myself thinking nothing but God, he's so FINE, in the way only English males can carry off such HOT DAMNfineness. I may be developing a crush on him, which always makes school life more exciting, the best part is the giggling and falling over, and the innuendo whispered in the small corners of the afternoon in the less attentive section of the room but it's somewhat impaired by the mind-numbing dullness of the subject generally, plus how the despondency and hopelessness of afternoon law classes (or law classes at any point of the day, for that matter) rather takes the romance out of the whole affair. And he speaks so disarmingly lovelily - oh god I've got some sort of Really English Disease don't I?

Anyway that's all I wanted to tell you about - the rest of school is pretty much AUGHRWAGHGRAAAAH so let's not bother with further updates, k? And now I'm done dumping all my ruminations on academic hotness and general glee, I shall go off now to wish it was Monday again, and maybe start thinking about posting holiday pictures, oh I suck.

Your result for Reincarnation Placement Exam...

Gypsy Camp

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