Right, I'm hopelessly, hideously bored by law, but then again nothing's new. I've not updated properly in ages, mainly because not much happened (okay untrue, Halloween happened and that was ludicrous fun and there are pictures, but as usual they'll never see the light of day) and then a whole lot of school-related bullshit happened as it tends to do, and then there's that long-distance relationship I find myself still in (whoop de doo?) and then general academic woe and doom, crap I am taking so many modules and sweet Jesus it is dull.

But news! I find out I'm slated to graduate early, which means this time next year I'll be doing my last exams EVER (I might have to come back the next summer to clear a summer module, but that's okay I reckon). Which means I shall be running off and doing something I don't hate a full six months before I had expected, and when I graduate I'll be twenty-two, which somehow just doesn't feel as tragic and like I've barely lived as graduating at twenty-three. Now I'm suitably excited about this, because having worked off my debt (or academic obligation to my parents, rather, to do a degree that will allow me to eat occasionally, especially when I am hungry) I can run off and blow a lot of money on things that are likely to keep me properly hungry and poorly fed. Whoo! So come Januaryish 2011 I'll be in New York to learn Final Cut Like Whoa and then perhaps run around the Americas for a bit and visit my boyfriend, after which I'll be back in Singapore to see if I have to clear anything else to graduate during the summer. After that I'm going to do something that I've spent years dreaming of, which is run off to New York (again, t'is the dream innit?) for a year and learn to, wait for it, be a film-maker, ha-hah. It's kind of strange in that it's the only thing I've ever really wanted desperately, and waited a long time to come even close to (much besides, it's most of the reason I've spent the past three years subjecting myself to law school, so that I could run off without feeling like I'd let my parents down and spent all their money on something they'll never see their money back on). I don't know, I feel like I've been remarkably grown up about all this, (finally, my years of agony and pragmatism will pay off soon) and fucking hell, it's actually going to come to pass, and it's great and terrifying.

And just to remember what I'm subjecting myself to - this term I'm doing five and a half modules and it's mad. One of them's finance and I want to throw up just thinking about it, exams are in a little over a week and yeah things aren't looking particularly bright, in fact right now I'm journalling out of heinous boredom. I don't know, this term has been sort of insane, with firstly the workload and secondly the long-distance she-bang, neither of which are particularly pretty. Honestly I'll be so glad when this term's over, which it will be, incredibly soon, but now I wish it wouldn't just so that I'd have a bit more time to be a bit less screwed.

Speaking of long-distance, a couple of days after my last exam I'm flying off to Minnesota to see the boy, which is good and I would be looking forward to it a lot were it not for how my spirit has been broken by the sheer immensity of crap I need to get done in the next week. In theory though, I'm absolutely ecstatic I suppose, but I can't really tell because it's been a long time since I've felt anything besides a dulled sense of despair.

On a brighter note, sometimes I am bunnies! (circa early 2008)



This entry is too long and I have work to do. Oh, there is so much wrong with the world!

So it seems I have returned, as I often do, without word or warning and most importantly, pictures. Cambodia was a shocking and horrifying amount of fun (or a fun amount of shock and horror, I'm so unsure these days, who can tell really) but after what, a backlog of 5 gigs of pictures this so isn't happening. School's started but I'm not there - my mom spent a very happy birthday rushing her stricken (feverish, shivering and generally miserable) daughter to the hospital. I've got five days off school, and while yes I was dreading returning to school I didn't think I wanted to avoid it this badly.

My mom asked me to look miserable and take pictures to commemorate the occasion - I don't think she's taking the epidemic ( seriously enough )

Yeah, behind me's Jeremy (The Boy, for all intents and purposes as it has been for the past three months, but who knows for the next three months, and the months following?), who is running off to America promptly, so yeah that's going to be a fun ride ugh.

Okay but let's not talk about that for a bit, or how running off to a different country with someone really intensifies things huh, and oh doom doom which wasn't the point of this entry at all! So I've got a billion pictures but I'm chronically lazy, so in spite of my desire to chronicle my adventures in excruciating detail and sub-par photography, especially because I'm having the time of my life, I'm afraid having the time of your life eats into your chronicling time, so this is going to have to do-



( WHAT I DID OVER SUMMER: A SUMMERY SUMMARY )

Right-o, now I'm off to return to being sickly and unproductive. Sweet!

Today the weather was beautifully dreary, which was rather refreshing given how of late, especially, Singapore has subjected us all to intolerable heat even for people largely accustomed to living inches away from the Equator. It was so lovely in its cool post-rainyness that I decided to walk home a couple of MRT stations(ish, at least), which started off pleasant enough and then degenerated into the humid cesspool of annoyance and discomfort that we're normally treated to. Coupled with how the distance was actually significantly greater than what I had previously anticipated, my enchantment with the loveliness of today (and its accompanying Oh it's great to be alive-type sentiment) evaporated quickly, and right now I'm back to feeling tired and disgruntled hoo yay.

So summer's begun, and honestly I'm not all that enthused. I mean yeah, hell it's better than school term, but I don't know who I'm kidding with my remaining university years to look forward to. That aside I've got internships to get through, some travel plans and about a million things to get done, but honestly I'm just not feeling it. Oh god I'm going to be old (in a week or so I'll be majoritarily-aged) and I'm going to have to be responsible, holy hell. Right about now I'm just trying my best to be occasionally productive, I'm in a spot of age and situation-related existentialism, just a bit (and a bit more than that on other days), but actually who am I kidding, it's only because I've not gotten L4D on my iMac yet, which I think is a very valid cause of existential angst - what's the point in life if you're not killing zombies at every waking moment, really? (That isn't true of course, there are other things to do, but they should be moderated with a regular injection of undead-deadening, which I have not been getting, oh no.)

And with that I shall trundle off to try to do something about my room or to cut one of yesteryear's silly projects, both of which I've been putting off for ever.

I'm up early in the morning avoiding corporate law as it were - Mavis and Vincent are over, we had an impromptu sort of study party sleepover, which is exactly as wild as as it sounds. Seriously though for something centred around something as dull as law, it was quite the night, laughs were had by all, and there are some things that we'll deny fiercely and pretend never transpired (in horrible, horrible mental places we'll never admit that we've been). The downside is I got next to nothing done, laughing too hard imagining bad bad things you know the usual, plus they're occupying all the sleeping space in my room so alas, I must remain awake and at some point maybe venture a mite of productivity?

You know actually I'm having a ball, in spite of exams and everything, but that could well be because I care not for thee, academic bullshit, having not applied myself at all and being content to just get by enough to graduate. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty about it, like I'm wasting an education or something like, but that thought lasts about as long as my attention span when confronted with let's say, mm, winding up? Honestly I'm just waiting for summer, because then I'll be half-done with this, oh my god, two years more, which may not be that bad if I apply myself in a similar fashion, which would be to say, not at all. But I do wish I was actually learning things, haha, the way I was fairly excited about particular subjects in pre-law days, and honestly I feel like I've learnt nothing of note over the past two years.

For the past couple of weeks I've been on the brink of age of majority angst with a little bit of discontent over the logic of love worked in for good measure, but you know how that comes and goes. I've reached the stage where I've resolved enough for the moment, or am really more interested in what to eat next or when I can shoot zombies, sometime soon please on both counts that would really be awesome. On most days I wake up feeling like my life is a peaceful demonstration (as compared to a riot, for example), in that there's some latent purpose hanging lazily in the air, with a moderate contentment that keeps everything several shades short of revolutionary or exhilarating but is at least a sufficiently interesting escapade or a mildly fun day out.

Today I found myself at a salon with Mavis (which is far less remarkable than it sounds because we had made an appointment and everything, but hush let me continue), and suddenly everything has changed.

Okay no, not really, but ( BEHOLD! )

Anyway, thoughts? Should I do things with my hair, like tie it up in ribbons and perhaps wear an elaborate, ridiculous-looking and impractically slutty space ninja-type costume? Should I invest in hats, do a Demi Moore, or just pray generally that it fades just right so I can be taken seriously (hoho!)?

Ugh, speaking of serious things, I've got to seriously devote some more time into ignoring corporate law, oh ugh. Which I shall do (more or less) promptly (more less than more).

Edit: Well, my hair seems to have a life of its own - now it has decided on a markedly different colour and I can do naught but watch it go forth and fulfill its destiny. For the moment I seem to be almost certifiably a redhead (or as certified as a Chinese girl can get anyway).

( Please to ignore unglamorous piratey sleepwear and face. )

My, what an adventure! Will I wake up tomorrow a different person, with a different hair colour? Who can tell?

Edit: The next day it seems to be just as red, if not slightly redder (or perhaps I'm just in brighter lighting)? Okay yes, I know this is far from endlessly exciting, and it is a bit indulgent but I'm sorry!

Right, you know how I resolved to journal more but didn't? Um, here I am trying to rectify that. Points for effort, maybe?

One of these days I really mean to put up the hundred million pictures I have, and back up freaking everything that I have. Ooh, I've a question, if anyone can help me out with this I would be much obliged! See, I'm trying to back-up everything on my mac but for some reason my external hard-drive is read-only and I can't seem to do anything about it. Help please? I'm discouraged to the point that I'm on the verge of tears (or not, but it did give rise to a hissy fit thrown at my mother, which was neither pretty nor nice of me). I don't much know how to change the permission on my hard-drive :(.

But anyway, kay, real update time. Mid-term break starts tomorrow (hurrah!), but I've also got a whole lot of shit to get done right after (poo!) for perhaps two weeks following (also poo). So right now's the lull before the shit hits the fan, whereupon I'll be even less inclined to journal in any way. I think I really need to organise my life, and my room, and print out a number of those million pictures. I also need to start thinking of internships soon (waugh!), oh dear all this law shit really isn't pretty.

In spite of all that, I think I'm actually enjoying myself in school this term, even if my usage of the term is a bit of a stretch, the way a cup of tea with a grandparent could possibly be termed a party. So yes, I'm having a conservative amount of fun, with both my law school friends (it's a bit of a joke but honestly Mavis and Vincent are all I need, they're such a riot [ as riotous as one can get learning about shares and floating charges anyway]) and I'm doing a really conservative amount of work (I am physically unable to pay attention or take any notes in class, an anathema unheard of in law school) which I'll try to rectify a bit starting tomorrow. I swear! Meanwhile I'm going to run off to watch some BBC4 TV, and wait hopelessly for the next installment of How I Met Your Mother comes out, oh my heart! Incidentally I've fallen in love with Jason Segel, oh my god he is the man for me.

Oh life, how you excite and astound, and inflict upon me Company Law at five in the morning though it is entirely my fault! I would like to register a couple of things though - an unparalleled love for the Magnetic Fields, and and, the emergence of possibility (and its accompanied flailing about)!

That is all!

You know, first week of school notwithstanding (or perhaps precisely because of the first week of school), I'm fairly taken with the new year. None of my classes are physically painful to be in (nothing really compares to the sheer horror that was Property Law, twice a week no less, and like surviving the war that sure as hell makes you stronger), the majority of my classes are noon-time affairs so I get an adequate amount of sleep, and, most importantly, with Mavis and Vincent every hour of every day is a party, or at least as much of a party as say, Constitutional and Administrative Law can be.

It's really bizarre after almost two years of absolutely hating school to suddenly find myself not minding it. No actually that's a lie, it's not bizarre at all, it's very straightforward - for the better part of the last two years I've been (on the average) unhappy, and now that's all behind me I realise goddamn you know, I'm actually an upbeat person and I do actually really love where I am in life (not the doing law bit, but I guess it could be worse I could be doing, god forbid, economics) and especially the people in it, and honestly speaking I'm really pleased by how it's all turned out.

K then, enough new-year-related twirling. What I meant to livejournal about was this art exhibition that I did that just opened yesterday, and the tragicomedy that was the gala opening. See, my university has a well-intentioned attempt at an arts festival annually, so this year the film society (i.e. my lovely secretary Athena, and I), with the help of the artistically established Chua Chye Teck (thank god, seriously, if not we would have been flailing about dying horribly all the time with our inexperience and general lack of ability and direction) did this film noir piece. Essentially we made a space up to look like a film noir bar with a stage and a bar and a diva dressing table, and had wigs, hats and trenchcoats for people to come in and dress up, which may not quite be high art, but at least it's a sizeable amount of fun. Actually I don't think it's an art piece at all, it's just an amorphous fun thing as opposed to an exploration in the transience of identity, but hey what do I know, all I do is read comics and make silly noises at my kid brother, I'm so low brow.

Anyway, so at the gala opening we were supposed to give the VIPs (the university president, the Dean of Students, some admin people and I don't know some artsy networked sorts?) some sort of artist tour which involved some sort of presentation, which was a wholly horrifying prospect (and a subsequently wholly horrifying presentation) that I never really recovered from. After said presentation People of Apparent Import congregated in small groups around the exhibition being all networky, laughing unnaturally exchanging namecards. Athena and I pretty much just stood there and tried to blend in with the coat hangers, which wasn't at all difficult to do because everyone was pretty much absorbed in their social expansions to bother talking to the artists about their work (which I didn't mind at all), before everyone adjourned somewhere else to continue their mingling - over some performances, but mostly food and alcohol in plastic cups with delusions of grandeur (you know the sort I'm talking about - airline plastic with necks and large bases hoping to pull off looking like glasses). The most ridiculous thing about the whole affair was the aspirations towards classiness (with what I imagine is the important business or art crowd socialising) in front of art that is largely, well-intentioned at most, a laudable effort (considering inexperience, time and resource constraints) etc, which is amusing and appropriate all things considered.

Which isn't to say that I didn't enjoy doing the exhibition (though it was hectic and crazy, somewhat), or that the gala was a complete waste of time (it wasn't - I spent most of it avoiding the main event and instead trying on costumes and taking pictures with Athena), but I'll put up pictures soon and you'll get the idea. Anyway, if you're in Singapore and you happen to be at SMU between the hours of 11am to 8pm from now till the 24th of January (at least I think that's when it's on till), you might want to pop by the school of Economics gallery and check my exhibition out (but then again you might not, but that's cool too, I won't take offense XP).

So what I've found myself doing (and avoiding) constantly over the past few days is mortgages. I kid you not. I never thought it would come to this.

Needless to say life has been a ball, which isn't entirely untrue, because Halloween came and went, and that was suitably exciting and pictorial! However that has passed, and all I'm left with is the day-to-day drudgery. Oh, something exciting though, apropos to the current Obama-rama, my favourite law prof taught while he was at school, and was apparently pretty close to Obama's homies. Which is fairly cool, but then again this is the prof who's met Tom Cruise, who's had three students of his go on to become the presidents of their respective countries, so it's probably not that big a deal in his book. Anyway, apparently young!Obama managed the Harvard Law Review swimmingly, had this quiet dignity about him and everyone respected him. Okay yeah so I was hoping for something a little more scandalous from an insider's take, but oh well, this will have to do.

As usual I'm way behind, in school and in updating, and especially in posting pictures (Bake My Day pictorials have been languishing sadly), but I hope to rectify that, in the manner that people generally hope for world peace. Soon there shall be Halloween pictorials, but first, a bit more day-to-day drudgery. So I've recently severed a boyfriendly appendage from my life, and everyone's been asking how I'm doing so this is how I'm doing: I'm alright and adjusting. It's strange and awful, cutting out the most significant part of your life, so right now I'm just trying to figure out what I should do next, and how to stay friends with Fong without having the undead monster of our romantic entanglements rearing its ugly head (it's not so much the romantic entanglements that were ugly, so much as his reaction to said entanglements and his inability to emote or deal with anything, or think about things, and how emotionally-sapping those disabilities were for me). Because he's hilarious and great (even if screwed up, with a penchant for being awful), and I want him around fairly regularly, because he's been my nearest and dearest for almost two years and I don't want that to stop? Well I'll keep you posted, at any rate I'm pretty good, even if adjusting.

Wow I've got mortgages to do (boo), so I shall leave you with something significantly less terrifying - ( a Halloween preview. )

Oh god, the bake sale was crazy and incredible, and now I am killed dead by my monthly internal-ish bleeding (you get my meaning) and the sleep deprivation - all of today I did absolutely nothing but sit and stare like I'm not physically capable of doing anything really. It's a strange sort of floaty not-quite-here daze, which I must shake off soon because I've got a ton of things to do. Even so, somehow my top priority seems to be showing you all something hilarious and new.



( God, I am so hardcore! )

Meanwhile, the PJ posse are doing a Halloween thing this weekend, and I am going as the Queen of Hearts so it all adds up! There should be a lot of pictures soon, of the bake sale, and the Halloween 'do, and there's a fair bit of work to be done, ugh, but I think I'm just going to go back to sitting and staring instead, because I am so very good at it and it feels appropriate now.

So it has been a while, and school has begun proper, which is distinctly un-fun apart from Hot Monday (which is the main reason I'm livejournalling at all). What is Hot Monday?, you may ask, and I would then tell you, oh, it's only the BEST THING EVER.

Hot Monday happens on the first day of the week, and it is so titled because it's just an EXPLOSION of desirable professors. And this is a big deal, because before this term, never had I encountered a halfway-almost-attractive teacher in my year at university (I was sure they existed, but I never had the personal pleasure of their instruction) and all of a sudden - ZOMG TWO HOT TEACHERS OVER 24 HOURS???!!! Oh yes please!

So let me tell you about the Men of Hot Mondays, and what they talk about (which I listen to with reasonably rapt attention, which is a big deal by my standards because I've got the attention span of a turnip) and how lovelily they talk.

Hot Man Number One is Hot Korean Dude who teaches Financial Accounting, and thank god too because otherwise I would be rubbish at it and not give a shit that I'm rubbish. But he is so lovely! You know how in Korean dramas they always have the girl torn between Incredibly Hot Rich Guy and Cute Geeky Seductively Intelligent Teacher? He's that sort of teacher. I swear one day he'll come in a sweater with his collar out and I will die. Plus, he talks in a cute Korean accent, you know, all sincere and incredibly intelligible, with endearing slip-ups (in our course outline, to inspire us he writes "So, go for it and conquer it. The final fruit will be very sweet when you achieve it with all your hard works."), and he says incredibly sweet things ("I hope you love your groupmates!") and he makes sound-effects when drawing things! And he always ends like an hour early, can it possibly get better than this? (Answer: yes, if he wasn't married. :()

So that's worth waking up for an 8.30 accounting class on a Monday morning for. After that I have a break until 3.30pm, at which point Hot Man Number Two waltzes into my (rather listless, after the insane dullness of both subjects and the general drudgery of school) life and whisks off with my heart and dignity.

Hot Man Number Two is Very English, and I've always had this incredible weakness for British men and their accents, especially very cute and funny ones. It's a law class, so 'nuff said (or rather "WAURGH CRAP EUGH LAW"), and it's a pretty dull subject (some kind of partnership+company law monster) so if not for gleaming academic hotness I would be dead (though sometimes I do feel like I am killed dead anyway). There are moments where I find myself all swoony and gleeful, and for a split-second, or a series of split seconds, I just find myself thinking nothing but God, he's so FINE, in the way only English males can carry off such HOT DAMNfineness. I may be developing a crush on him, which always makes school life more exciting, the best part is the giggling and falling over, and the innuendo whispered in the small corners of the afternoon in the less attentive section of the room but it's somewhat impaired by the mind-numbing dullness of the subject generally, plus how the despondency and hopelessness of afternoon law classes (or law classes at any point of the day, for that matter) rather takes the romance out of the whole affair. And he speaks so disarmingly lovelily - oh god I've got some sort of Really English Disease don't I?

Anyway that's all I wanted to tell you about - the rest of school is pretty much AUGHRWAGHGRAAAAH so let's not bother with further updates, k? And now I'm done dumping all my ruminations on academic hotness and general glee, I shall go off now to wish it was Monday again, and maybe start thinking about posting holiday pictures, oh I suck.

Your result for Reincarnation Placement Exam...

Gypsy Camp

Take Reincarnation Placement Exam at HelloQuizzy

ZOMG!

I am done with my first year of law school! YAY! The last exam was today, hwah! God it's like I've been waiting all my life for this moment, but it's kinda dampened by how it's like okay, like THREE MORE DAMN YEARS, but guys look, I've got three months and more to do absolutely nothing HOLY SHIT IT FEELS SO GOOD. I'm going to come up with a list (my favourite thing in the world, for starters), and I'm going to do oodles of things, but oodles more of nothing in comparison, but it's going to be great! But that I'll do tomorrow (in the spirit of things, I am procrastinating, as one should do when faced with boundless freedom), tonight is for passing out and lolling about, and doing sweet sweet nothing with my life!

Anyway, hit me up if you want to meet up with me and things! I mean I do have a really really busy schedule (hohoho!) but I can try to schedule you in because you are that important to me! Also, England sorts - now would be a good time to start talking to me about meeting up when I'm in the motherland, because about now I have to start firming things up.

OH GOD I HAVE NOT BEEN THIS HAPPY IN AT LEAST A YEAR! <3! K BYE GUYS CELEBRATE WITH ME!

Oh my god, the longer I do law the more I know that this is what I will never do in the future. There are some things I don't mind doing, like reading some things, which I would do if you gave me time and everything, but to reading to prepare for seminars or presentations etc? Pretending to be a real lawyer and doing lawyerly speeches and paperwork? KILL ME PLEASE. I have been subsisting on Arrested Development - this, THIS is what I want to do with my life - sit about and watch Arrested Development all day. Yep, I could handle that. I would be THE BEST professional watcher of Arrested Development IN THE WORLD!

Anyway so this week is hellweek - 4 presentations, one assignment that I'm compiling, wargh, but I think I'm getting by okay. At least fake lawyering is over - egad, that was ridiculously dull and terrifying. I completely lost interest in my fake lawyer speech after they rang the timing bell because it's that boring, so yeah I guess litigating is not for me.

It's mid-week and I've only got two presentations and the assignment left, though all of these are completely unprepared for, and I will be up all night doing said assignment but at least it's on the Simpsons (as a movie about tort) so I don't really mind. It's the last week of school, and then there's a week of holidays and then a week of exams, and it's all over for now OH GOD COME ON!

Much besides, I realised a while back why I'm not doing well in law. I felt sort of bad about this because I'm half-way intelligent and normally I do well at things without too much effort, but then I realised OH MY GOD I DON'T CARE ABOUT ANY OF WHAT I AM LEARNING. I guess it's a matter of interest - if I actually gave a shit I could do decently, but that's like going, if only I was married to Jason Bateman, I could be married to Jason Bateman. Since then I've been a lot more zen about things - three years to go, and then freedom, I just need to pass, ooh one more episode of Arrested Development and then I'll start on my work etc, and honestly I'm a fair bit happier. Once the exams are over I'm going to learn flash, make silly animations, cut videos, make film in some manner, pack like hell, take pictures and pretend for a while that law school never happened to me.

Anyhow, I was thinking about what I would actually like to do as a job job, and I realised it would be great fun to be a sex therapist, because your work always will have a certain level of excitement. And you'd help people, and make some money! Though that line of work would garner a fair amount of parental disapproval I figure. So guys, what would your dream job be?

WHY IS MY LIFE SO TRAGIC, one might ask, and one would be answered quickly and resoundingly “it’s because you’re in law school DUH!” So today we come back to this, what am I doing here, why am I doing this, perhaps I should start an orphanage or something instead because I don’t care about this, I’m not good at this, and I really couldn’t care less about everything I read, please god make it stop.

Why do I do this to myself (money), what do I hope to achieve (money), am I selling my soul (yes)? I can get by normally from day to day, being so nobly motivated and everything, but at this point the shit has hit the fan (because there’s too much to do it’s all due like now, I hate doing every bit of it, it takes too much effort for what I get back from it for what I have to go through for it – oh I just want to drop out of school) and now I just want to have a seizure so I can not do any of the things I have to do, and what’s more I’ll be able to stay home and do as I please.

I think I may go upstairs, cry cry cry to myself quietly in my head for a while, and then I shall put on my lawyerly sad face and do my appellate brief. In a couple of weeks we must all make like we’re lawyers in a fake case and I think it’s rather hilarious and sad, because for half of us (okay I exaggerate, it’s probably just me) it’s just this ridiculous pantomine of trying to be grown up since it’s the last thing in the world I would ever be doing.

Actually I think that’s thoroughly appropriate. This whole law school debacle is just my very personal ridiculous pantomine of trying to be grown up, doing grown-up things like things you don’t actually like, and being practical about them and working towards being fed sometime in the future. It’s just a bit sad, really. I want to have exciting university-type learning or extra-curricular things (which doesn’t happen around here, no duh), I want money and success too, I want to actually do shit I like and more than anything else I want to drop out of school.

Well the first year’s almost over, only three years left of this infernal pain left, is what I reason, life’s tough SUCK IT UP, but really what it is is that I’m a child, and while all these sound reasonable in my head really in my heart of hearts I can’t understand any of it, crying “Hwah! The only thing I really want to accomplish in life is a pikachu baby jumpsuit! I don’t want to do this working on law things shit!” And really all these episodes, they’re just tantrums really, pay no attention please. OH GOD HOW OLD AM I, LIKE FIVE? (yes)

This is what I had planned for the weekend that is just over - productivity and respective pride. Obviously this is not how things actually unfolded. Instead, I have done not very much at all and I am ashamed of myself. Damnit! I was so looking forward to that productive glow of self-importance etc. At any rate, okay, school is school which i taken to mean shit, there are about four weeks left of school before exams, during which EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS DUE/HAPPENING. OH WELL WORLD.

Anyway! So what's been happening with me. Mainly a lot of guilt, and after that, a special timed release sort of stomach ache (Too Much Information)? I'm rather displeased by everything, but once it is over things will be fine and peachy, and there will be dancing in the streets once again! But lately I've realised that I'm not mature enough to be either in law school (but we all knew that already) and or in a relationship (I am but a child! What should I know about relating) and guys, this is totally NOT ON.

But happier things - I'm going to be in England fairly soon! Okay, no, like in May till June, so if you live in the Motherland obviously I want to see you, so hit me up!

Okay guys. The freakiest thing just happened to me.

I was boarding the bus carrying a shitload of things, and this middle-aged Indian man occupying a aisle seat stood up and offered me the empty inside seat next to him. Which is a nice gesture, I guess, but considering the bus was more than half-empty, it wasn’t really warranted. So I took the seat, right, because I didn’t want to be rude, and I wanted to prove maybe that there is good in the world, and not every character that acts strangely to you is a pervert. Do you get those moments when you think someone’s leering at you, but then you decide against it (like somehow your opinion shapes the world and everyone in it) thinking pshhh, you’re not all that, you disgusting conceited girl, no one’s actually looking?

AND THEN HE OFFERED ME MONEY. WHAT THE HOLY FUCK. No that’s not entirely accurate, he wanted TO GIVE me money, the grand sum of two dollars (in dollar coins), so that I could “buy a snack at my next break at school”. And when I declined (“No thanks, I have enough money.”) He surreptitiously (or not so surreptitiously) slipped the coins into my bag pocket. Well at that point I was beyond weirded out so I excused myself and moved to the back (under the pretext of needing more space because I had work to do) at which he said “Nice meeting you. The pleasure’s all mine.”

OH DEAR GOD. So yes, I guess I look about twelve and like I can be bribed for sexual favours with small change. Which could be a fair judgement given my appearance, but the lap-top and law of torts textbook in arm negates it somewhat. Perhaps he’s a very specific sort of paedophile – into child prodigy sorts with a short attention span (“ooh, coin, shiny!”) or just a particularly cheap breed of genius.

And get this, when I moved away he wouldn’t offer the inner seat to anyone else even though the bus was crowded – I guess he was saving it for someone worthy of the privileged throne of intended child molestation.

Also, that freaky old guy had a foldable umbrella tucked into the back of his pants, a tell-tale sign of perversion, surely! I should have known!

What the hell right. Well that was my transportation misadventure, I hope you all enjoyed that as much as umbrella paedophile did. If you want SULLIED MONEY OF PERVERT, do say so, if not I’ll just give it an actual charity (or perhaps I’ll actually buy something with it, but I can’t help but worry that there’s some weird pervert voodoo cast on items bought with pervert money).

---

And this is coincidentally fairly appropriate, in keeping with the apparent theme herein of perversion and the like. Given the following display, perhaps such incidents as cited above serve me right :(

I meant to share with everyone what I was doing last night (which may be too much information, hohoho - only kidding, I shopped and made things) and what was came from my efforts!

( This is what I'm doing when I really should have been preparing for my tort mid-term tomorrow: )

Oh no I'm a moron. :(

It's rather strange, but of late when I'm with people I know and love well, I suddenly get flashes of "where did this person come from? Who is this? Huh?" and it feels a bit like I've not been around for the past decade or so or like I've only just noticed their presence. I wonder if it's just me, or if everyone gets reality-assessing moments (like, I love my boyfriend, but how did he get here and why don't I remember it or like What a silly little poo! Wait a second, when did my kid brother start amassing feelings, a life and an identity, (he was but a silly bundle of giggles a while ago!) and SINCE WHEN DID I HAVE A KID BROTHER, LIKE A REAL PERSON). Eh, maybe it's an existential conundrum, or maybe I'm too self-possessed I sometimes (and often, and for long periods of time) forget that other people exist properly and in their own right since everything seems to be in relation to me (light of the world, the point in it all, etc). God, I suck.

Much besides, holy hell I've a lot to do! And I should not be livejournalling, not now! Mainly a lot's been going on, with community service things and academic things and film society things, and speaking of I've got Valentine's Day to talk about (I hope everyone's was wonderful) which I shall do, soon, soon!

Dear everyone in the world,

I have completed my legal writing assignment! Huzzah! Of course this does not matter in the greater scheme of things (in view of the many assignments that are uncompleted of the many students in the world, and how even if put together all this academic shit really doesn't matter), and the world cares not for my small triumph, but CHRIST I AM SO GLAD I AM DONE. I spent like hours trying to trim of 200 words off my 2200-word-long essay, and now I am down to 1996 I AM SO PROUD.

Of course, now I have to start on my Business, Government and Society essay (what ever the hell Business, Government and Society is) and it is due on Thursday, but at this point I feel nigh invincible so HAVE NO FEAR!

Other things I am proud of: I have thought of something to do for Valentine's Day, and I find it amusing and therefore generally pleasing!

LOL I guess that's about it, considering I've got oodles to do this week and I've done so little. BUT! I AM THE CHAMPION WORD-CHOPPER, I WILL CUT YOU ALL DOWN, NO LONG-WINDED ESSAY IS A MATCH FOR ME!

Holy god it's almost 3am. Okay night expect an update soon. (See how I was cryptic about Valentine's Day? YOU WILL SOON ALL KNOW. And be fairly disappointed because it's not that big a deal at all really, it's like lame and small.)

It’s horrendous and disgusting how I’ve put off putting my new years’ resolutions down in writing – not a good start, clearly. But January’s almost over, and this is appalling! Oh, but to make up for this failure, I have pictures of me when smaller! During the last bout of particularly jubilant holidays my parents unearthed stacks of baby pictures, so here are a handful (a small handful, like that of a small person) of pictures which fits thematically for am I not starting anew?

( FOR I AM RESOLVED! AND DETERMINED! AND FULL OF SPIRIT! )

Wargh. So every year I do this meme, (insert year here) in review, so here it is this year. I was actually a little worried that I wouldn't get around to doing it, the way nowadays how it happens is there's too much to be done or there's too much to worry and whine about that I spend so much time doing that and so I don't get much else done, and Christ that was a pretty uninteresting note to make, but that would reflect everything that's going on now really.

( 2007 in Review. )

So mainly this year has been awesome and then terrible, and the new year looks set to follow in the latter fashion. I've been pretty pathetic at managing and making myself happy, which is very poor on my part; I'm barely the person I used to be and I think it shows. I feel really old and like my problems have moved up a notch - they now seem closer to adult problems, whatever the hell that means, or perhaps that's just because I'm sadder and too tired to find the good in the grand scheme of things, and I swear I'm not going to be this way any more.