Today I broke up with the only boy I've ever wanted; he was my world and now he's not.

I loved him more than anything else in the world, I would have done anything within my means for him (and I did), I wanted to build my life around him, he made me ludicrously happy so much so that I thought that it could go on indefinitely and that made me even happier. Well I was mistaken, clearly, but I don't mind. He was, to all intents and purposes, the One, and I don't think it will ever stop being that way which is why I am likely to die alone but I think that's okay too, why mess with the grand scheme of things?

I don't think I'm ready to talk about it, please don't ask. When I'm ready to talk about it, don't ask either, because I highly doubt that I would actively want to talk about it, so just err on the side of caution and make like this never happened.

I'm going off either to pass out (which sounds divine), cry until I pass out (less divine), write that paper I have due on Sunday (urk!) or bake (my one constant, my true love). In any case I'll be alright, don't worry about me. Right now I'm more hungry than anything else, and as long as I still want to eat things I think I'm doing okay.

I should sleep, honestly, or finish the numerous readings I put off over the weekend in a bid to have a life, but right now I don't much want to be a lawyer and read about these horrible cases where judgments were passed so clearly at odds with justice, where mentally subnormal people are hanged for drug-trafficking just because it's strict liability, so possession is enough to constitute the requisite mens rea, and while they're off hanging simpletons hey why not throw in the friend incriminated on a retracted confession of a mentally subnormal person while you're at it without bothering to find corroborative evidence?

I've never been so pissed off about anything in my life, none of the departures from justice I've encountered over the past ten weeks have affected me this much, and for a moment I just wanted to sit down and cry a little at the injustice of the world, the utter helplessness and in part a fear of dying (and while I'm at it perhaps I would have been indulgent and thrown in the self-pitying contemplation of unending, self-perpetuating undone readings but that's just silly) and I wish I was studying something pivotal but not life-deciding like how to make cake.

I realise this is fairly obtuse and dry, law-related abstractions and what-not, but on the bright side Court of Appeal judges have been replaced by people with brains and hearts and no longer do people hang for sport or to reach imaginary hanging quotas (so that's how civil service bonuses used to be determined), and I may sleep easy tonight, tormented only by past injustice, a plight likely to be outweighed by current catastrophe like the state of my readings.