WHY IS MY LIFE SO TRAGIC, one might ask, and one would be answered quickly and resoundingly “it’s because you’re in law school DUH!” So today we come back to this, what am I doing here, why am I doing this, perhaps I should start an orphanage or something instead because I don’t care about this, I’m not good at this, and I really couldn’t care less about everything I read, please god make it stop.

Why do I do this to myself (money), what do I hope to achieve (money), am I selling my soul (yes)? I can get by normally from day to day, being so nobly motivated and everything, but at this point the shit has hit the fan (because there’s too much to do it’s all due like now, I hate doing every bit of it, it takes too much effort for what I get back from it for what I have to go through for it – oh I just want to drop out of school) and now I just want to have a seizure so I can not do any of the things I have to do, and what’s more I’ll be able to stay home and do as I please.

I think I may go upstairs, cry cry cry to myself quietly in my head for a while, and then I shall put on my lawyerly sad face and do my appellate brief. In a couple of weeks we must all make like we’re lawyers in a fake case and I think it’s rather hilarious and sad, because for half of us (okay I exaggerate, it’s probably just me) it’s just this ridiculous pantomine of trying to be grown up since it’s the last thing in the world I would ever be doing.

Actually I think that’s thoroughly appropriate. This whole law school debacle is just my very personal ridiculous pantomine of trying to be grown up, doing grown-up things like things you don’t actually like, and being practical about them and working towards being fed sometime in the future. It’s just a bit sad, really. I want to have exciting university-type learning or extra-curricular things (which doesn’t happen around here, no duh), I want money and success too, I want to actually do shit I like and more than anything else I want to drop out of school.

Well the first year’s almost over, only three years left of this infernal pain left, is what I reason, life’s tough SUCK IT UP, but really what it is is that I’m a child, and while all these sound reasonable in my head really in my heart of hearts I can’t understand any of it, crying “Hwah! The only thing I really want to accomplish in life is a pikachu baby jumpsuit! I don’t want to do this working on law things shit!” And really all these episodes, they’re just tantrums really, pay no attention please. OH GOD HOW OLD AM I, LIKE FIVE? (yes)